The HG team is very familiar with dates – good, bad, everything in-between. Since February has officially rolled around and everyone will soon be either cozying up to a Valentine or on the dating prowl, we’re introducing a new segment with The Single Society. The website takes bad dates and turns them into great stories, and HG wants to know all about our readers’ interesting, exciting, or downright questionable dates in Hoboken. Submit your own stories anonymously below and read on to find out about a local gal’s date that involved a man with a van.
Xina’s* Story {*names have been changed but story is truer than true!}
After realizing that I was officially the last of my friends still on the market, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and join the masses on one of those fancy new dating apps. Shortly after downloading Tinder I matched with Thomas.
Thomas was a stately looking gentleman with piercing green eyes and a slight California casual flair. He mentioned that he was new to Hoboken, and I was more than obliged to show him around. We discussed our mutual obsession with cozy Irish pubs and a good game of pool, so I suggested we meet at Mulligan’s on 1st Street for some beer and billiards.
Read More: 5 Clutch First Date Ideas in Hoboken and Jersey City
That evening I arrived at the bar to meet Thomas, and though he was every bit as handsome as his Tinder pictures, he was dressed like a complete slob. Typically, I find an unkempt beard rather sexy and rugged, but the unwashed t-shirt, tattered hoodie, and shredded denim had him looking worse for wear. I put forth my best effort not to judge the man simply by his clothing, and we settled into a booth to grab some much needed social lubrication.
“So where do you live in Hoboken?” I asked, attempting to kick off the conversation.
“Oh, I’m sort of right outside,” he replied vaguely.
After inquiring further about his residential whereabouts he reluctantly admitted that he was living in a recently purchased minivan.
“Interesting,” I said, somewhat flabbergasted. “So are you looking for a place? Clearly, you can’t live in a van forever.”
Thomas went on to explain that though he had a lucrative job and was capable, he was just completely against paying the astronomical amounts of rent that NYC and the surrounding areas commanded, and how he was perfectly content showering weekly at the gym and washing what little clothing he owned on a bi-monthly basis.
As images of Chris Farley ran through my head, I chugged my pilsener in hopes of getting out of there in time to watch The Bachelor, because Thomas and I were clearly not a match.
See More: 3 {Jersey City} Restaurants That Are Perfect for Date Night
Thomas excused himself to use the facilities {hopefully not to shower}, leaving me to lament in my sorrows about having to resort to online dating and rethinking all my life’s decisions. When he exited the men’s room he scurried back to our booth with a suspicious grin on his face.
“Here, can you stuff these into your purse? I’m running low, and they have a ton in there.”
I looked down at what Thomas was pushing to me under the table and saw two rolls of toilet paper. I assured him that there was no way I could {or would} fit them into my pocketbook, so he concealed them in the deep pockets of his hoodie. Mortified, I told him it was time to go. We split the check, and I made a beeline for the exit.
“I’ll walk you back!” Thomas offered. Dammit.
I began walking as briskly as possible back to my apartment while Thomas continued rambling about God knows what.
As we approached my building he pulled me in for a hug, to which I awkwardly reciprocated.
“Can I ask you a question?” he said. “I would seriously be indebted to you forever if you would let me jump in your shower real quick.”
I chuckled in disbelief and told him he would just have to settle for the gym…or some baby wipes in his van… down by the river.
Have you got an entertaining dating story of your own from Hoboken or Jersey City?
Email hobokengirlteam@gmail.com with subject DATING STORY to share yours!
