If you’re not where you want to be financially, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and out of control. We can let ourselves fall into a downward spiral fueled by the shame of not having our financial lives together. We wonder “what’s wrong with me?” and feel alone in our struggles.
We often associate our self-worth with our net worth. We think the number in our bank account is a reflection of how responsible we are — or how worthy we are. We feel ashamed about our debt because we believe it means something is wrong with us. Not only does this feel horrible, but shame paralyzes us from taking action. We continue the habits that got us into debt, we ignore our spending, and we don’t ask for the help we need.
But fear not, as there is a silver lining. Acknowledging our shame creates a space for us to do something about it — and Ashley Feinstein of The Fiscal Femme is here to help. Keep reading to learn local money expert Ashley Feinstein’s tips to help us stop money shaming.
How To Stop Money Shaming
So stopping the habit of shaming ourselves when it comes to money doesn’t just happen overnight. Below are tips to help achieve that goal over time.
1. Realize That You’re Not Alone
Because we don’t talk about money, we tend not to realize how pervasive money stress is. From teaching workshops and coaching one-on-one clients, it’s apparent that almost everyone is struggling with money in one way or another. Talk about your money shame with a close friend or family member.
2. Have Some Compassion and Forgive Yourself
We have a lot working against us. Many of our financial struggles stem from the fact that society doesn’t aim to teach us {particularly women} about money, yet we have to deal with it almost every single day. We also learn that talking about money is impolite which keeps us from talking about it with others. Not to mention the systemic issues many women face around money. There’s the gender pay gap {we’re earning less for the same work} and the pink tax {having to spend more for the same things}. We’re investing less than men {so the money we do have isn’t growing}, and we live longer.
See More: Why Women Need to Be Wealthy {A Money Expert Weighs In}
3. Recognize That We Can Learn From Our Mistakes
If we never mess up, we can’t learn how to do things better. Instead of dwelling on the past, consider how past money mistakes can encourage better money decisions in the future. What mistakes hurt you financially and how can you avoid repeating those same mistakes? Let them show you what you want to do now.
4. Focus on What You’ve Done Well
Instead of fixating on our mistakes, make a list of the things you’ve done well. If that’s a stretch, making a list of neutral things works, too.
Read More: How To Talk Money With Your Honey {Hoboken’s Fiscal Femme Weighs In}
5. Ask For Help
If you’re feeling stuck or want some objective guidance, it’s worth it to enlist the help of a professional. The Fiscal Femme offers specific courses for those looking to save more, pay off debt, or learn to invest. You can also sign up for a free consult here.
Do you have any tips on how to stop money shaming? Let us know in the comments!
